Not-so-Oldie Fic: I Believe
Jun. 22nd, 2007 05:17 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
measiNever published! But I'm actually surprised at how good the draft is, and it's honestly finished as-is. So 'ere we go.
Title: I Believe
Author: Measi
Pairing: Scully/Mulder (implied)
Rating: G
Spoilers: very last scene of the X-Files, season 9.
I Believe
Draft version, May 20, 2002
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Come full circle to find the truth.
He'd said that so many years ago to me, and I'd blown it off as some nonsense cliché. My life was supposed to be linear, not circular. My life was supposed to be a journey, each event building upon the next, elevating me toward the next stage of life. I didn't expect that journey to start flipping me over to point A again.
Yet here we were---Mulder on the floor, leaning against the side of the bed, staring out the window. And me, stretched out on the mattress, supporting my head on one well-balanced elbow, listening to him think outloud.
And he was right. Irritatingly and obnoxiously right. Again.
We were right back where we'd started. Just the two of us, alone in a motel room in the dark. Us against the world, it seems.
Will it always be this way?
Apparently not, if this date in 2012 is correct. Everything will end just before Christmas. What a wonderful present that will be. Sarcastically speaking, of course.
I am not afraid of death anymore. I used to be, but my experiences over the past nine years have given me some solace about what will happen in the next life. I will see that peaceful lakebed again, and rock gently in the rowboat, watching my living friends and family occasionally appear on the shoreline as they think of me. Death should not be feared. Hellish life, as what will happen in 2012, scares me. To become a shell of myself. To keep on living when there is nothing left to live for. This upcoming invasion means the destruction of the one thing that keeps humankind living at times… Hope.
Hope is what has kept me going this past year. Hope to see Mulder again. Hope for us to be a family. Hope that he would still love me when he returned. And hope that he would forgive me for giving up William. I still have hope that William will be safe. That he will grow up healthy and happy, and that if his adoptive parents tell him, he will forgive me for what I had to do. I wonder if he'll think of who I am, and be curious about where he came from. I know he won't remember this first year of life. I don't know that I'd want him to.
I just don't know what to think about a lot of things right now. Probably because as I sit here, watching Mulder sleep, I realize how far removed from my life nine years ago I am. In many ways, I feel like Mulder and I have switched personalities from nine years ago. I am a believer. I'm now "Spooky" Scully next to my partner. What was crazy to me in Oregon is no longer. I've just seen too much to deny it.
But unlike Mulder, I still have hope. I am not defeated by what I see and know. I believe we can fight. I believe we can win.
I believe…
Title: I Believe
Author: Measi
Pairing: Scully/Mulder (implied)
Rating: G
Spoilers: very last scene of the X-Files, season 9.
I Believe
Draft version, May 20, 2002
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Come full circle to find the truth.
He'd said that so many years ago to me, and I'd blown it off as some nonsense cliché. My life was supposed to be linear, not circular. My life was supposed to be a journey, each event building upon the next, elevating me toward the next stage of life. I didn't expect that journey to start flipping me over to point A again.
Yet here we were---Mulder on the floor, leaning against the side of the bed, staring out the window. And me, stretched out on the mattress, supporting my head on one well-balanced elbow, listening to him think outloud.
And he was right. Irritatingly and obnoxiously right. Again.
We were right back where we'd started. Just the two of us, alone in a motel room in the dark. Us against the world, it seems.
Will it always be this way?
Apparently not, if this date in 2012 is correct. Everything will end just before Christmas. What a wonderful present that will be. Sarcastically speaking, of course.
I am not afraid of death anymore. I used to be, but my experiences over the past nine years have given me some solace about what will happen in the next life. I will see that peaceful lakebed again, and rock gently in the rowboat, watching my living friends and family occasionally appear on the shoreline as they think of me. Death should not be feared. Hellish life, as what will happen in 2012, scares me. To become a shell of myself. To keep on living when there is nothing left to live for. This upcoming invasion means the destruction of the one thing that keeps humankind living at times… Hope.
Hope is what has kept me going this past year. Hope to see Mulder again. Hope for us to be a family. Hope that he would still love me when he returned. And hope that he would forgive me for giving up William. I still have hope that William will be safe. That he will grow up healthy and happy, and that if his adoptive parents tell him, he will forgive me for what I had to do. I wonder if he'll think of who I am, and be curious about where he came from. I know he won't remember this first year of life. I don't know that I'd want him to.
I just don't know what to think about a lot of things right now. Probably because as I sit here, watching Mulder sleep, I realize how far removed from my life nine years ago I am. In many ways, I feel like Mulder and I have switched personalities from nine years ago. I am a believer. I'm now "Spooky" Scully next to my partner. What was crazy to me in Oregon is no longer. I've just seen too much to deny it.
But unlike Mulder, I still have hope. I am not defeated by what I see and know. I believe we can fight. I believe we can win.
I believe…